You would never suspect that one little thing is a big issue for me. Personally, at least.
Sure, my husband is blind, but I’m sure no one would suspect that I am, too. Well, not by reading my blog, at least.
Yes. I do have a degree of blindness in my right eye, and it has caused a very odd look to my face – a lazy eye.
I deal with scars of years of dealing with acne, and I still deal with those cursed zits from time to time… and to add on a pair of odd looking eyes, I know I look peculiar.
For a long time, I’ve hated it. I’ve silently just put up with it, knowing there was no way I could fix it. For a while I was able to forget about it. I wasn’t working. People weren’t taking close up pictures of me. No one mentioned it…. Then that all changed a little over a year ago.
I went back to work, and it was at a daycare. A four year old stared at me, and asked a question I knew was in avoidable. “Why do your eyes look funny?” I simply explained, “I am blind in that eye.” A few more questions came up, and I allowed it to be educational. I was okay with it even though it kind of unsettled me. My eye was noticeable. It’s hard enough being Hard of Hearing to almost Deaf in a hearing world, and then to add a weird looking eye is sometimes tough.
I sometimes fear that my eye turns people off. Do I scare off people? I don’t know. I know I shouldn’t care, but a part of me does. I know there are people out there who flipping don’t care what people think of them, and I am for the most part; except when it comes to my eyes. I want to be taken seriously, and there are times when people stop talking and ask, “Are you looking at me?” It’s either the case of them looking at my blind eye looking away from the speaker or someone on the side thinking I’m looking at them. Talk about embarrassing.
I sometimes think I need a patch over my eye. Argh. That will be quite a fashion statement.
But I do have peripheral vision left, and it is very helpful. My kids forget that I can see fairly well out the sides of that eye and I catch them trying to do something they aren’t supposed to. My kids are so used to it, and when they see it wander even further, they know their mama is very tired.
Having a lazy eye doesn’t define me, but I believe it enhances me. It makes me unique. Maybe one day there will be technology that will repair the damage in my right eye and give me a chance to regain my vision, but until that miracle comes, my eyes will be what they are- unique in their own way. I have benefits to it, and people do get used to my wayward look. I may never be photogenic, but those who love me think I’m beautiful. That’s good enough for me.
Eyes are the Windows to the Soul?