As I am sitting here on my patio with my two cats and a cup of coffee. I have Rend Collective blasting into my earphones, and I’m reflecting on the past two months.
Let me just say this – It was crazy.
For those who don’t follow me on Facebook, two months ago I was in a car accident that crippled my SUV and damaged the front right end of my car. I’m still feeling the anxiety from that whole experience. I had no hearing aids on when it happened and flew into an anxiety attack as I knew this one little incident would make things messy.
My vehicle was my only way to help my blind husband to get around. With working on my Master’s degree, I still needed to get around to do my field experience hours, and with two kids, having no vehicle was going to be difficult, to say the least.
“Why not get a rental?”
Sure. That would make things so much easier, but I had made the mistake of not adding that to my insurance plan, and we weren’t in the position to be able to afford to rent one out of our own pocket.
I prayed they wouldn’t take too long to fix the car… But little did I know how much of a mess we were in.
It ended up being a case of severe case of mishandling by our insurance company, and being deaf didn’t help at all. The only people who really took care of us and respected our deafness/blindness was the body shop who worked on our car. (I also had friends who helped us get to the grocery store and brought us food when we needed it, too.)
It took EIGHT weeks to finally get our SUV back.
It was a long battle, and when I reflect upon it, I realize there will always be that battle for me. Being deaf means I have to fight every time I need to make sure I understand and am being understood in practically every situation.
That is exhausting. I questioned God, “Why? Will there ever be a time where I don’t have to fight to be understood?”
I had to fight to get some of my professors to understand my challenge of doing field experiences with no interpreter. I have had to resort to using my lip-reading skills and depending on my hearing aids, which isn’t at it’s best with the earmolds getting old.
Fortunately, I’m almost done with my field experience hours. I will be glad to be done with that.
I just have to worry about who will hire a teacher who is Deaf. Will I be understood and accepted? Okay. I can’t worry about that right now, but it does poke back into my thoughts from time to time.
On top of all of this, I’ve been trying to lose weight and failing miserably. I need to lose it for health reasons, and it’s been a frustrating journey.
I had hopes that with having no vehicle that losing the needed pounds would be easier as I would be forced to walk, and walk, I did, but I didn’t lose anything.
I realize now that it’s another thing I have to overcome.
I’ve been walking with my husband every morning to the light rail, and I have yet to see any loss. I keep telling myself it takes time… But it’s hard to have hope when you’re exhausted emotionally.
What do I do?
The only thing I know how – I hold on. Like everything else I’ve gone through, I will just push through and PERSEVERE.
Paul, my favorite writer in the Bible, puts it best in Philippians 3:14 –
“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”
It’s an uphill climb right now, but I have a small bit of hope right now. I’m going to hold on to that. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for one of my goals. I’m not far from graduating with a Masters degree and will soon be able to teach.
Today, I am taking a muchly needed respite and will be creative. I have some art in my head that needs to get out on a canvas.