Tag Archives: friends

Finding my Roots

I’m sitting here ignoring my homework for a moment. Graduate homework is hard to get into when your mind is somewhere else, so I felt the need to get it out before it drives me completely nuts. Any other writer or artist would understand. Right?

Homesickness can be such a hurdle to deal with, and I’m dealing with that right now. The problem is, I don’t have one place that I call home. My “home” is spread out all over the place. I lived in Virginia for a long while, I grew up in Arizona, and my mom, my best friend, is in Alaska. She’s home to me, too.

I do have my husband and my two goofy kids, but there’s something to be said for a place where you have dear friends and a history. They give you a place to connect and grow. Here in Colorado, I’m still trying to find that ground to grow in. It’s not easy when you’re also deaf. It took me four years to ground myself in Virginia, and when I did, I found a wonderful and awesome best friend… Only to have to move away to start all over again.

I am hoping to cut that four years to be much shorter here in Colorado!

One thing, I have learned is that it depends on ME. This introverted and quirky woman has to step outside her comfort zone to find the connections and the ground to seep my roots into.

I have several Extroverted friends on Facebook, and I admit, when I see how they have such close friends, I become jealous. “They have it so easy! It looks so easy to find that one person who knows how you think and gets you!”

When those thoughts come into my head, I can hear God telling me, “Hey, you can have that, too. Trust me.”

“But, God, Where?”

I’m reminded that He’s there, and that He did bring a couple of souls into my life. He did bring some friends into my life already. I just have to trust the ground around me to let my roots go deeper.

“It will take time and let it grow.” I am reminded. I am also reminded that I am technically an outsider looking for a place where my quirkiness and uniqueness can fit.

I can only imagine how much time it takes an uprooted tree to assimilate into a new environment that it’s been replanted in. It has to work through new ground, ease around rocks, push through the soil to find water, and eventually become a part of it.

So, if you’re an uprooted tree, I’m with you.

The Spirit of Generosity in Friends

In this day and age, I am sad to say that there isn’t a whole lot of generosity out there. Oh, I’m sure people donate to charities, but there’s always a catch. It’s tax deductible or a shower of praise from the public when you do.

I’ve been touched by the kind of generosity that needs to be seen more of.

This and last Christmas, we came across some very hard times. I had thought since I had been blessed so much last year that it wouldn’t happen again this year. I was willing to accept it and enjoy a very humble and sweet Christmas with my little family, but things didn’t go that way.

Just when I thought things were just going to be extremely small, we’ve found an abundance. Friends came and showered us more than they should have, in my opinion, with blessings. I have a turkey for us to eat on Christmas day! Our tree has a healthy amount of gifts under it for the kids to enjoy and unravel. Even my husband and I were blessed to be able to get the kids a few little things as well. Some of the gifts, we don’t know who they are from. Some are from wonderful friends who have taken us in as family. Some are from a dear friends who surprised us with an amazing amount of generosity in┬átheir gifts.

I cried sadly that my family was so far away and Christmas didn’t feel the same without them nearby. It hadn’t been Christmas for me since my mother-in-law passed. She always had a way of making Christmas something special. Cookies, delicous food, and special gifts were her way of bringing the family together. It helped me with my own family being so far away, and now with her gone, I have to learn to make Christmas my own. God is showing me something else.

This circle of caring friends are my family. I can make my Christmas with them. How? I’m still figuring that out. Right now, my means are small. My home is small. My heart, however, is big. I just have to find a way to share it with them and show them how much I appreciate them.

For once, again, Christmas is full of surprises. I do hope that one day, I will be able to pay it forward and give another family the joy of blessings at their doorstep. I would love to be able to show someone else what I learned. Family can be found in friends. Friends can show love and generosity without asking for anything in return. May God bless my blessers three times over.

Church or No Church-That is the Question

It’s 3:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep yet. I’m torn between two choices right now, and I know I need to decide soon what it will be.

What church is right for me?

Do I choose a church that I know has a deaf ministry, or one that has the passion for God that I love and can relate to?
The latter has no deaf ministry or interpreter. I could start something, but a part of me dreads starting all over again, or being disappointed. I have no friends to speak of there, and I had recently left the other church for a lot of ridiculous drama – even though I have some wonderful friends there. I even told them I wasn’t coming back….
It doesn’t help that I am at a crucial point in my life where I need as much support as I can.
My heart pounds at the war in my head.
I’m so tired of it all and have even entertained the idea of forgetting the whole notion of church altogether. But I feel so spiritually vulnerable and weak right now.
Oh, why do I have to be hard of hearing?!
I am hoping that as I write this I can get this torment out of my head…. And go back to praying as I listen to calming music.