Tag Archives: introvert

Finding my Safe Place

Today was a rough day for me. Allergies bombarded my senses in the worst way. I struggled to hear, even with my hearing aids on. Breathing was harder as I felt my chest feel congested, which set off other symptoms leading to anxiety.

I felt my heart beating harder and harder as I tried to lipread the speaker at the mom’s group I was at. I couldn’t talk when the other moms began to discuss what was going on. I felt like I wasn’t there. I got up to get a breath of fresh air with hopes of calming my racing heart. I got myself something to drink and finally resorted to taking some medicine to calm the symptoms.

It seemed like I wasn’t there. No one noticed.

I quietly picked up my purse and left.

I admit, I was angry.

I am an introvert in the worst way. I don’t feel like imposing myself on other people. I just wait for people to approach me, and when I drove home, I couldn’t understand why people couldn’t approach me.

After having a cuddling time with my cat, who seemed to know that his mama was not feeling good, I wrote an email to my husband, who works from a computer all day. His response was very encouraging.

“… always remember that they are humans as well, … forgive them…” 

He reminded me that those women didn’t know what was going on. They can’t read my mind or read my body like I can. I probably can hide an Anxiety Attack pretty well.

I couldn’t bring myself to open myself up to them and share my struggles. There are times I wish I wasn’t that way.

He also reminded me that the reason for some of them not approaching me is because of their possible intimidation of my deafness and my partial blindness (I can’t see in the central part of my right eye, and it has caused it to become “lazy”). He deals with it all the time with his blindness. People don’t approach him to be a friend but to “help”. They pity him, and all he has wanted was someone to talk to and be a friend with.  He has it harder, as it is not an invisible disability, but he probably has a good point.

I am just writing this as a gentle reminder for my readers to think about your introverted friends or even those who have a disability. Maybe they’re in the same place I am and don’t know how to share those deep struggles. As much as I do, they need to know of a safe place to share those struggles with.

Be a safe place for them.

Thank you.


Finding my Roots

I’m sitting here ignoring my homework for a moment. Graduate homework is hard to get into when your mind is somewhere else, so I felt the need to get it out before it drives me completely nuts. Any other writer or artist would understand. Right?

Homesickness can be such a hurdle to deal with, and I’m dealing with that right now. The problem is, I don’t have one place that I call home. My “home” is spread out all over the place. I lived in Virginia for a long while, I grew up in Arizona, and my mom, my best friend, is in Alaska. She’s home to me, too.

I do have my husband and my two goofy kids, but there’s something to be said for a place where you have dear friends and a history. They give you a place to connect and grow. Here in Colorado, I’m still trying to find that ground to grow in. It’s not easy when you’re also deaf. It took me four years to ground myself in Virginia, and when I did, I found a wonderful and awesome best friend… Only to have to move away to start all over again.

I am hoping to cut that four years to be much shorter here in Colorado!

One thing, I have learned is that it depends on ME. This introverted and quirky woman has to step outside her comfort zone to find the connections and the ground to seep my roots into.

I have several Extroverted friends on Facebook, and I admit, when I see how they have such close friends, I become jealous. “They have it so easy! It looks so easy to find that one person who knows how you think and gets you!”

When those thoughts come into my head, I can hear God telling me, “Hey, you can have that, too. Trust me.”

“But, God, Where?”

I’m reminded that He’s there, and that He did bring a couple of souls into my life. He did bring some friends into my life already. I just have to trust the ground around me to let my roots go deeper.

“It will take time and let it grow.” I am reminded. I am also reminded that I am technically an outsider looking for a place where my quirkiness and uniqueness can fit.

I can only imagine how much time it takes an uprooted tree to assimilate into a new environment that it’s been replanted in. It has to work through new ground, ease around rocks, push through the soil to find water, and eventually become a part of it.

So, if you’re an uprooted tree, I’m with you.


Priorities

It’s been a while since I’ve written any blogs, and just tonight I posted one in my other blog, Moving and All it’s Adventures. I wrote about our recent adventure with all the inconveniences of plumbing in the middle of Snowstorm Kayla. It was good to write again, and I recently made some changes in my life to make room for things I love.

As much as how good Facebook can be, I had come to find that I was on it way too much. With being a Grad student and less than a year away from graduation, and being a mom, I had to make some choices to what was really important to me. To top it all off, I wasn’t taking good care of myself. I had to remember the rule of thumb: To take care of those you love, you have to take care of yourself first.

A week and a half ago, I deactivated my account. That was a tough thing to do. I had been on Facebook since 2008, and I was going cold turkey from all that “connection”.  Yet, I know it’s going to be good for me.

I am going to work on getting my health back on track, do well in school, and be there for my kids and my husband. I’m also going to be working on making true connections with people by writing emails and meeting people face to face. The latter is going to be a challenge as I’m such an introvert!

But… I am not made to be alone. God said so.

Sure, I have my husband and my kids, but I also need to cultivate friendships with others around me. In the fact that I’m working towards becoming a teacher, I definitely need to step outside my comfort zone and learn to approach people instead of waiting for them to approach me.

Okay… I’m going to quickly go off point to say that just reminded me of Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice (Only those who have read and/or seen the movie would probably know what I mean).

Back on point… For the next 6 months, this is what I’ll be doing.

The one thing I wish I had done, before deactivating my Facebook account, was to have collected emails of friends so I could write to them during this hiatus. Guess they’re just going to have to hear from me when I return to that world.